A Piece on Contentment

Contentment
A state where you're satisfied with how things are
where you can breathe and not regret
where you can go about with a feeling of peace
where you actually are calm enough to feel

For me, these moments come fleeting.
We have a hi-bye relationship.
We don't really know each other well.
Just acquaintance but not friends.

I wish that we were the best of friends
because things are frazzled
and contentment is the furthest thing right now

contentment.
will we ever be better acquainted?

In the midst of mountaining assignments,

I always begin to question,

WHY?!
why so much work?

why so much to do?

It's like a cycle, really.

You start a semester, 

happy cause you get to see your friends,

then the real stuff starts 

and you see them less

because everyone is just so busy

getting all sorts of things done.

Then suddenly, life becomes a darker place

with more assignments 

as your constant companion.

It's almost annoying that it is

perhaps the most consistent thing

in every semester.

the bulk load of assignment!!!

Yes. This is a rant.

Now, back to the mountain.

The Plan

*Image from: http://jimlucasmusic.com/the-plan/

“Failing to plan is planning to fail”
― Alan Lakein

Planning.  Preparing for the future.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve all done this or something that resembles this.  And, if you’ve done it then there’s a good chance that there were once or twice that things just didn’t go as planned, whether it’s your dinner plan, your study plan or your life plan.

All hope is not lost. According to Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky (1979), we are not as great at planning as we like to believe. Ever heard of the planning fallacy? That’s when we underestimate the amount of time and effort needed to accomplish a certain task even though we might have similar experience of doing such tasks in the past. So now, we can all not feel that bad when the plan didn’t work.

*image from http://www.fleetfeetstlouis.com/news/was-this-in-the-plan

Yet,  people come up with that funny thing called Plan B. Plan A should have been a dead giveaway that plans are a not the most reliable things in the world. So, to counter that, we shall come up with another plan. Amazing how human logic works. No?

Nonetheless, we’ve been taught to plan and plan ahead. It’s almost frown upon when you don’t have a plan. Most common questions involve: “So, what do you plan to do after you graduate?” If your answer consisted of any variation of something like “ I don’t know, I haven’t got a plan yet,” , then they usually look at you with sad eyes, pitying you for your lack of planning and feeling sorry for future you.

So, what if one doesn’t have a plan? Can’t we all just live in the present for once without trying to be clairvoyant and predict what the future might bring? Can’t we just be contented with now?

In our quest for that perfect job, that perfect life and perhaps that perfect relationship, we are planning, planning to succeed every step of the way, maybe even factoring in a few setbacks to be realistic. However, we often forget that we are living in the present and that’s all we will have. Tomorrow is an illusion that will never come. You’ll never have tomorrow, you only have today. And if today is not worth having then what is?

Some quotes on why sometimes, not having a plan might be better.

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”
― Allen Saunders

“To hear never-heard sounds,
To see never-seen colors and shapes,
To try to understand the imperceptible
Power pervading the world;
To fly and find pure ethereal substances
That are not of matter
But of that invisible soul pervading reality.
To hear another soul and to whisper to another soul;
To be a lantern in the darkness
Or an umbrella in a stormy day;
To feel much more than know.
To be the eyes of an eagle, slope of a mountain;
To be a wave understanding the influence of the moon;
To be a tree and read the memory of the leaves;
To be an insignificant pedestrian on the streets
Of crazy cities watching, watching, and watching.
To be a smile on the face of a woman
And shine in her memory
As a moment saved without planning.”
― Dejan Stojanovic

“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.”
― J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister

“Plans are invitation to disappointment.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

“Book your life choices in advance the same way you would book flights, car rentals, hotels, and excursions. Figure out early on in your career whether you intend to be financially independent or marry a rich man, join the ranks of the professional elite or be the stay-at- home type, postpone having children or find part-time employment. Then fasten your seat belt and sit tight as you watch your trajectory veer off course.”
― Veronique Vienne, The Art of Being a Woman: A Simple Guide to Everyday Love and Laughter

Life without a plan, or rather less planned, can be scary but it can also mean much more freedom. There is no foolproof step by step guide that will assure you total success. So, instead of planning every step of way, do something unexpected, do something new and hear that music in your soul as it lives with anticipation and vigor. Celebrate spontaneity. And that unplanned moment may be the best one ever. So, loosen up with the plans and go with the flow.  Carpe Diem.

Disclaimer: Author is not responsible for any unplanned outcomes from not planning.

Best

The argument that if things were not as hectic,
if conditions were somehow better,
then one's performance or results would have been at their best.

However, there will be given circumstances,
although we sometimes are the reason for those state of affairs,
and we will be required to work and perform under them

No matter how disadvantaged,
how lacking,
how crappy,
Those are the conditions you are given,
One's best is when they make the best out of them
Not when they are given optimum surroundings to perform.

In fact, when the conditions are optimum,
there is no reason to fail,
no reason to be that close and not get it.'

So, doing your best is best.
The outcome matters but
your effort in it,
Just as much.

Believing

I was never one of those that was to bother much.
But you believed in me,
Believed that I could be much more
and achieve much more.

You saw what I didn't see.
You believed that I can.
You shaped my perception of possibilities
and made me believe too.

You paved the possibility
That I could,
That I will,
And, so I did.

Thank you for believing yesterday
that today was possible
you have made all the difference
to me.

Breaking Free

 “Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.” 

― Jon Krakauer

Growing Up

Those two words that mean a lot.
What does it mean to grow up?

To pay bills and take on mortgages?
To think and act maturely?
To understand the many secrets of life?

Is it like a checklist that you tick off
and then qualify for?
Do you have to have them all
Or are there deal breakers?

Hmm. But one thing is sure.
It comes with a shift in paradigm.
To see the same things with a different set of eyes.
To understand another viewpoint
that may have never crossed your mind.

And perhaps, to understand that
there are no clear cut answers
No matter how convenient that notion is.

To realize that life is multifaceted
and that we're limited in our understanding towards it.

Growing up is a process.
Not an end goal.
It will continue on and on.
Just like the many things in life.

Time to grow up?
Maybe not yet.

Laters.

Living on the Brink

Life on the edge.
Mesmerizing
Heart stopping
Uncertain

With that little line in the middle
That would make all the difference
Never knew how much
Up till now.

It's crunch time.
Do or die.
Time to take a deep breath
and take the plunge.

The night so still
Everything is quiet
With the chatter of the mind
To fill up the silence

I don't know how long this will last
I hope it ends soon
Just like a dream
And its gone
Far away from reality
Left in a land that sees no light.

The courage to do right
Before its too late
The wisdom to know
what you can actually change
and what you'll have to accept.

Something to keep in mind.

"You can't outwit fate by standing at the sidelines placing sidebets about the outcome of life.
Either you wade in and risk everything you have to play the game
or you don't play at all.

And, if you don't play, you can't win."

Judith McNaught

Maybe we spend too much time together
so much that we've ceased to appreciate it
we sit together but barely talk
we are in the same room
but we barely know

Have we become too accustomed to such conditions
that we no longer talk
the way we used to
a long time ago

With the many obligations in life,
we are not exactly putting this
on the priority list
but at the end, it would have been
one of those things that had mattered most

Double standards don't make it better.
Somethings are allowed but only for you.
You expect a certain standard
Yet, you fail to achieve the bar.

What do we do now?
I don't know anymore.

Demons

Before you get freaked out by the title,
I'm actually referring to Imagine Dragons' song.

Gosh they are good. I love this song.

Hit the loop button ever since. Lol.

Anyways, life is again demanding.

as it always is.

It's time for finals.

so crunch time to study

like you really really mean it.

because you have to strive to be your very best

says somebody

(this sounds a bit familiar and now I realize it's similar to the Pokemon soundtrack )

Unfortunately, yours truly can't seem to focus

and is too easily distracted.

The short semester has flown by so fast.

Feeling that little bit out of breath

Trying to cope and catch up.

Music helps.

Sometimes, you wish that in life,

there'd be a pause button 

so you can be more ready,

for the coming moments

as they come and leave so fast.

Just in a moment

and it's all gone.

Past.
Over.

If you're unlucky,

the wind gets knocked out of you.

You are temporarily breathless

struggling for air

with precious oxygen all around you.

Good news is

the air comes back after that moment

and you can breathe again.

So, inhale deeply.
Stay calm and study.

All the best peeps.

To the finals we charge!

Grey Areas

I don't usually play in them
but they are so interesting.
Neither here nor there.

Just enough for a mention
but not enough for a it to be something
on it's own.

Not a solid
but have just enough substance to go past gaseous.
Suppose it's a liquid then.

Will take the shape of the container
when poured in
will flow away
when poured out.

Shapeless but present
Too much to wave it away,
too little to hold on.

Gripped by the uncertainty
and the mystery.
Will you prove to be a prize worthy of the game?

Calming Rain

There is just that something about raindrops
when they fall and splatter
so consistent yet not.
Calming since its quiet
and raindrops are all you hear.
Sometimes, this is all you need
to clear your mind.

To remember the awesome times
that you had
with those precious to you

Time might be a scarce commodity
for all of us
especially now.
But despite all that,
it feels like it was just yesterday
maybe its even today.

Everyday.
Just like that,
is a blessing.

There is no other way
I would rather spend my time
but with you guys.

Until we have time,
to sit under the bearded barley.
Nightly, beside the green, green grass.

When you're surrounded by idiots.

Survival guide
1. Avoid contact
2. If no. 1 is not possible, minimize contact
3. If no.1 and 2 is not possible, you've just hit the jackpot.

Sometimes, all those people seem to gather at one point in your life
altogether, like they have a pre-written agreement,
to come and wreck your life.

You try to avoid them as much as possible
but they come like streams
and there seems like there's no way out
they keep coming and coming

During these times,
your imagination runs wild
with the things you should do.
however, we live in a social world.
with socially acceptable behaviour.
so we refrain from doing it in reality
but in our minds, so much has happened
and so much more can still happen.

One thing I know,
Karma will get back at ya.
Look behind your back.
It may just be around the corner.
Sleep tight.

When you come so close, the possibility suddenly becomes so real.
You can almost taste it, smell it.
It's just a a tiny step away
Yet a world away.

It possible, even probable
The question is
Are you willing to go that far?
Will you regret if you never got it?

The things that one has to do to get there
seems, at times, so menial
mundane and predictable.
However, because of that,
it's not easy

As we lose track of what we really want
in the bore of the moment
perhaps that crucial moment
to make that difference
that is needed

To anticipate instead of dread,
To explore instead of endure.
That is how it should be.
Can it be?

Happy April!

It's April!
Finals are creeping up
and before that,
assignments are closing in.

Nonetheless,
things seem to be moving smoothly along
with the exception of some time issues..

You're thinking "What time issues?!"

Well, that can answered by the below..

Time issues = having issues with people who have time issues eg. Not punctual

Recently, organizers of events have choose to punish those that come early
and according to the time stipulated
However, them being Malaysian and all (or any other reason, not sure)
decided that everyone had to wait till all the late comers were there
before they could start anything at all.

Now you're thinking "VIP's?"
nope. they were just other participants.
and mind you, those who were late were a minority.
In other words,
more people had to wait for a small number of of people
who clearly had some issues with time
or couldn't just bother to show up on time.

Next question " but, it's probably once in a blue moon"
the answer? NO.
They do it all the time
therefore, it is not due to unforeseen circumstances that do occur sometimes
but rather a matter of habit
one that inconveniences other people.

If you can't make it, say that you can't
Don't say yes and then mess up other people's time
more accurately, wasting others' time.
That is taking what is not given.

So yes, if you ever show up late, most of the time,
you are telling me that I cannot trust you with my time
and therefore,
no reason to trust you at all.
since you clearly can't keep promises
and don't show respect for others' time.

A breath of fresh air

It refreshing that for once in
what seemed like forever,
I'm online without rushing for an assignment
there's still  more to come.
but at least now there's finally a break in between

Life has finally slowed down a bit
to have time to focus on those
tiny but meaningful things in life.

to have those witty conversation,
to enjoy that cup of coffee slowly
to laugh together at things we find funny
to sing without a care
to just sit down and enjoy their company

these little things that just brighten up your day so much
you forget why you were so stressed up before
you remember that there's more to life
than the bulk of overwhelming assignments
and multiple deadlines
as well as
to remind you that life's good
just as it is.

Thesis is much more than you think.

This does describe it a certain extent...

I suppose this shows what's ahead.

Writing my thesis would be the focus

of many of my waking moments?

Then I found something else...

Below are mottoes rumored to be on the wall of Harvard's library

1.Sleep now you'll dream; Study now and a dream will come true.
2. I leave uncultivated today, was precisely yesterday perishes tomorrow which person of the body implored.
3. Thought is already is late, exactly is the earliest time
4.Better do it today than tomorrow.
5.The pain of study is temporary; the pain of not studying is lifelong.
6.You never lack time to study; you just lack the effort.
7.There might not be a ranking of happiness but there is surely a ranking of success.
8 Studying is not the only component of your life, but if you cannot even overcome this single component, what can you overcome?
9.Enjoy the pain if it's inevitable.
10.Get started early, work hard, it's the road to success
11.Nobody succeeds easily without complete self-control and strong perseverance. 
12.Time passes by.
13.Today's dripples will be tomorrow's tears.
14.Study like a dog; Play like a gentleman.
15.Stop walking today and you'll have to run tomorrow. 
16.A true realist is one who invests in future.
17.Education equals to income.
18.Today never comes back. 
19.Even at this very moment your competitors are still flipping pages.
20.No pain, No gain.

Although none of this is on the wall of the famous library,

I suppose that they do speak for themselves.

Now...

Study!

Sometimes I just wonder

Why do I even bother working so hard?

I used to believe that what we do today,

every single little thing would come up to something

that actually counts in the future

Now, I realize that a lot of things

are just inconsequential.

So then, I ask myself again,

Why?

Then I heard this

And then the lyrics didn't tell me why I was doing all these

Just that one day I might miss them all

More than I think.

Still not really making much sense

to why

but 

maybe when I look back

I'll really know

It seems like life is always filled with so many questions

maybe it's just me being curious and all

nonetheless,

are we just muddling through life,

not really knowing why and how?

we're just there

just like that

not knowing better
is that all there is to it?


I dunno but I did find this 

Maybe. Just maybe then.

Indeed. Why?

Writing here before assignment deadlines has almost become ritualistic
Even more when all you wanna do is to get it out of your mind
but you can't seem to start
or stop the thought process

Newest music obsession : Clay Aiken!
Can't believe that I just found out that
there's such musical talent around
since Idol season 2!
Now that's a long time.

Nonetheless, the man sounds awesome
I kid you not
He might have been the runner up
but for me, he was clearly the winner.
He initially did look like Einstein, the musical version
Looked so cute with his hair sticking out
and looking all so geeky with his glasses
Then, the transformation began.

After the competition,
he looked even more adorable!
Looks like the stylist really know their job.
Must get his album.

And now, back to pressing matters of reality
and the heaps of assignments with
oh, so very close together deadlines.
along with Clay Aiken's awesome voice.
Lol.

Cara Mia

Why do you hate the ones you love the most?

They seem to be the most annoying

Hurtful

Heartbreaking

Inconsiderate people that you come across.

At the same time,

they can be the same person

who cares if you brought an umbrella on a rainy day

who wonders if you need someone to get you lunch

who cares that you got home safely

who makes you laugh at their dumb jokes

who makes you feel that they sometimes genuinely care

Its frustrating to know that they can be both

At times you wonder to yourself

Are you doing the right thing?

At some point,

you no longer know if there's a right thing.

Round and around and around and around we go.

How true.
Things are back to square one.
Like it always been
Seemingly inevitable

Change is the only constant
after all,
there was never much rules
about changing back into
what it was in the past

The rule only states that things change.
Continuously
Always.

There doesn't really seem like
there's much solid ground to stand on
For it may give anytime
and you'll lose your balance.
Your direction

Back to the a spot
just like the beginning
with all the same problems
nonetheless
hopefully wiser than before
and braver
to do better
and make a bigger difference.

Today I'm reminded how precious life is
how fragile it can be.

when posts say that
"I'm lucky that I'm alive"
" I'm lucky that my heart is still beating"
Too often I forget
exactly how lucky one is

Our encounter wasn't a long one
but the stark reminder
that you gave me about life
will continue to stay with me

Rest well.
You've been through a lot.

I hope that you'll find peace
wherever you go.

Time flies by so fast that we don't really realize how fast
Until we look at the calender.

Maybe things are just going on
and you are just going with the flow.
Sometimes, you can't tell the day of the week
cause it seems like yesterday was some other day
and today was yesterday.

with all these time confusion,
wonder what will happen to me
if i never see another calender again?
Will time slow down?
will I lose track of time so bad?

Maybe it's good not to track time,
when we have the luxury to.
To let it be
and just be there.

Not a moment too soon.
Not a moment too late.
Just present now.

Forgetting all the schedules,
deadlines, appointments
maybe just sitting by a balcony,
with, perhaps, some awesome view,
sipping a nice warm cuppa.

and just being there.
no more.
no less.

There's always times when you wonder too much.

Will life be better if technology hadn't changed it?
Will we find more peace with ourselves and others if we lived like those not so long ago?
Will be happier if we actually worked for any other reason but to survive?
Since the option of making it in the wild is unlikely...

We are all stuck in civilization.
Surrounded by technology, gagdets and gizmos.
Rushing through life as we try to squeeze more work from each moment.
Going through most if this mindlessly because everyone is doing the same thing.
At the end of the day, there's still this emptiness.
But we don't know what exactly will fill it.

You try charities and volunteering and wonder
what has our world come to?
Before modernization and all
everyone seemed to stand a chance at a better quality of life.
Less stress.
Higher Mortality rates but perhaps more quality moments
Rather than just mere quantities.

Even worse is the way some people treat animals.
Before cities and mega cities,
animals had a habitat.
They did not have to rely on humans for food.
But now,
they can't really hunt or scavenge much
with the concrete jungle all around them
and everyone who deems them as pest out to get them.

It's really heart wrenching to watch as animals suffer.
Because they've asked for none of the development
none of the lost of habitat
yet, they suffer.
Hungry, without shelter when it rains.
Left in the middle of highways by people who want to get rid of them.
It is a sad state what we have become.
To inflict suffering not only on ourselves but those around us.
who were just guilty of having the wrong neighbors.

2013

So, here's the first post for the new year,
although its no longer that new,
it'll be as new as one can get. lol.
Resolution?
Haven't thought of them this year.
Maybe its because I haven't gotten a calender.

Haha.
It's true.
I do need things like clocks, watches and calenders
to give me a sense of time.
Otherwise,
it can all go by and
I won't feel a thing.

Anyways,
this year starts off with the increase in workload.
and of course, various commitments.
It is also the last year I'll have in university
as I am intent on finishing everything this year.

That, of course, does come at a price.
Whether or not it is worth it?
I surely hope so.
And hopefully this time I won't take on more than I can handle.

Again,
this goes back to the argument
on whether we would know our limits
and the only true way of knowing is
doing something beyond it.
else you'll never know where the line lies.

So, this year.
The start of new things and new decisions,
a brand new slate to start on.

To learn to appreciate the things we have even more,
To be grateful for what we have
and to strive to be better.
Hmm, looks like I do have some resolutions after all.

So yeah, Happy New Year!
May 2013 be awesome for you and me =)